


poetry

by angelsprunch



Series: losers friendships [1]
Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Angst, M/M, Medication, Pining, Poetry, Recovery, There's some of that too, and a lot of pining and moving on, but it's not really an eating disorder??, pills are mentioned??, so is not eating, there's a lot about love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-05
Updated: 2017-11-05
Packaged: 2019-01-29 23:40:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12641679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelsprunch/pseuds/angelsprunch
Summary: ben and stan have a friendship that the other’s don’t quite know about. they write poetry about different things and share it only with each other.





	poetry

**Author's Note:**

> i wanted to explore the friendship between ben and stan. there isn’t really a “ship” between them, but they have a friendship and ben is really supportive of his friend. there’s some minor benverly, billverly, reddie, and stanlon.

The only person who knew about Stan’s tendency to write poetry was Ben. It was a highly kept secret, but Stan knew he could trust Ben with his secret. That and he needed someone to share it with. Ben never seemed to care much about the personal nature and he never pushed Stan to talk about the poetry that he wrote. Instead, Stan just shared and Ben listened closely to anything that his friend was willing to share. Most of the poetry discussed Stan’s illnesses while Ben’s discussed love. Sometimes Ben would share his poetry after they talked about Stan’s and he would offer the same listening ear that his friend gave him. After a while, Stan would branch out what he wrote about but he’d always run it by his friend first. Some of the poems that Ben really liked would get anonymously submitted to the school’s newspaper, only with Stan’s permission. The losers would talk about Stan’s poetry without them knowing it was his and Ben would always shoot his friend a small smile when good things were said about the writing.

 

Winter was when Stan wrote the most, it seemed like that was when life hit him the hardest and he needed to utilize his coping skills to the best of his ability. Spring was when Ben did most of his writing, always inspired by how people and things emerged from the snow with a newfound beauty. While Ben wrote about Beverly and her fiery red hair, Stan would sometimes try to write about Bill and his skinned knees. In the fall, Ben would write about how the leaves changed color and how Beverly looked wrapped up in her scarf as she jumped into piles of leaves. Stan would write about how school brought a much needed routine into his life and how Mike looked at peace when he picked apples with Stan. Winter would come again and Ben would write about how Beverly’s eyes would pull him out of any winter slump while Stan wrote about how Richie never seemed to wear a winter coat or have one that fit him.

 

Spring would come back and Stan would write about how Eddie wore his shorts even though it brought goosebumps to his skin and Ben would write about how Beverly looked stunning in her sundresses that always seemed just a bit too big for her. In the summer, Ben would write about all of his friends and the fun they had at the quarry. He would write about how peaceful everything felt and how right it seemed to be a part of this friend group. He’d write about how proud he was to be a loser and all of his friends would smile and give him hugs when they read the kind things he wrote about them all. While Ben shared happiness, Stan would write about how he just didn’t feel like he fit in anymore. He would write about how the only time he felt truly at peace in the summer was when he sat and listened to the birds sing. Sometimes he’d write about how Ben was changing over the years and how he wished he could be as starstruck and hopeful as Ben was. The poems about Ben would stay hidden, not wanting his friend to see how jealous he was at Ben’s starry-eyed outlook on life.

 

Beverly moved away and Ben began to write about a love lost. Sometimes he would miss hanging out with Stan because he’d be reminiscing with Bill about Beverly. She promised she would write, but no letters ever came to either of the boys. Stan tried not to be upset, but having his routine interrupted always sent him into a panic. He had to follow his schedules or the rest of the day felt off. The same year that Beverly moved away, Stan was put on medication. He hated taking the pills because they always left him feeling more out of it than he did before he saw a doctor. His routines were lost, but it seemed that Stan unravelling brought Ben back together.  The medication always left Stan feeling tired and dizzy so rather than meeting at the library, Ben would show up at the Uris household with books and journals. He’d sit beside Stan on the floor and he’d read poetry that reminded him of the curly haired boy. Stan would rest his head on his friend’s shoulder and listen with his eyes closed. Every time Ben showed up, Mr. and Mrs. Uris would insist that he stay for dinner and he would, but only if Stan would eat, too. Afterwards he’d sit with him and help him keep the food down until he fell asleep.

 

As winter came and went, Stan picked up a pencil and began writing, again. This time he didn’t write about how he loved Mike’s way with words or how Bill seemed to be getting over all the things he lost. He didn’t write about how Richie seemed to be getting worse, despite trying to come off otherwise. There were no entries about how Eddie seemed out of it whenever the topic of crushes would come up. Instead, he wrote about Ben and how maybe a soulmate could be just a friend who was there when you needed him the most. He’d write about how he missed the routines that he kept, even if things went downhill quickly when they were broken. Stan missed who he used to be and he wrote about how maybe he was better when he kept it all inside. While Stan wrote more, he shared less. Ben was writing about how Bill seemed to be falling in love again and how maybe the first heartbreak is there to prepare you for the others. He wrote about how Richie and Eddie seemed to stare at each other when the other wasn’t looking and the permanent blush spread across their cheeks.

 

There were entries about how Mike’s gaze lingered on Stan and how the boy would sometimes ask Ben how their friend was doing. Sometimes he was scared to hear the answer and those were the times that Ben would lie and say that Stan was getting better. He wrote about Stan and how recovery wasn’t a linear process. There’d be lines upon lines of how sometimes getting better came more from a strong need of wanting change than medication and outside help. As much as Ben wanted to be there for his friend, he didn’t know what more he could do for someone that wasn’t ready to let his life change. When fall came back around, Bill and Ben both received a letter from Beverly. Neither of their hearts fluttered when they saw her name signed with hearts at the end. They wrote back, though, with well wishes and updates on the rest of the losers.

 

A year after Stan was put on the medication, he started to go birdwatching again. The doctors saw how sunken his face looked and realized that this wasn’t the answer. They took him off the medication and told him to try therapy, so Stan did. He talked and talked and talked until their time was up and he kept meticulous notes of what to bring up the next time he saw his counselor. A month after he was taken off his medication, Stan started to look less like he’d blow away with the wind. Ben started to see his best friend come back to himself.

 

When Stan came off the medication, he wrote about how friends can help you regain what you’ve lost. He wrote that even though you don’t feel like you fit in, the real friends will continue to pull you back until you feel right again. He started to write about how there was hope after heartbreak because he saw both of his friends come back from losing their greatest love. He wrote about first love when Richie and Eddie kissed for the first time. When Mike held his hand, he’d write about how crushes could make your heart soar no matter how silly they felt. 

 

Stan slowly came back with Ben by his side.


End file.
